Pretty much thats how I feel. I have backslidden from what I once knew as Christianity into now, just following Jesus.How to explain it, well, its like praying for clean people- its easy. I once belonged. I belonged to a church, a large group of people, whom whole heartedly followed and walked out their indv. salvation in Jesus- ummm, together. We saw- we prayed for salvations, we saw/ we prayed for healings, we had prayer groups- oh how I miss the prayer groups, we had evangelism, we served, we fed, we cared for, we studied, we saw great moves of God. We saw/ we prayed for deliverences, we saw lives changed in a moment. We praised HIM like there was no tomorrow! Discipling was life. We all came when the doors opened and we hung out at eachothers homes. We passed soft drinks out on 100+ degrees afternoons on the busiest 4way in town, we washed windows and cars just to say Bless you, we gathered up people from everywhere just to bring them to church and watched most of them give their lives to Jesus. I could go on for hours. So what happened?
Its been over 2 years now. My heart aches as I recall my past life. I miss my friends, I miss seeing wild outrageous acts of God pouring into a fill room of on fire 24/7 believing, followers of Jesus. I miss the growing together towards a plan, a mission. I miss the prophetic. I often think, if I just had one word spoken into my life about the wilderness that we are in, perhaps we could gain some ground and start being revived with confirmation of our path. Instead of constantly asking God why and questioning whether we screwed up for good. I often wonder if God still speaks to those people out there about us, the prophetic got quiet. I'm sure its an outta sight, outta mind thing. I still miss it.
I miss all the ways of God.
We messed up when we said "Send me, send us". Because HE did. We just thought we would be in a group. A clean, nice church building. I still study trying to research where Jesus sent out one person, just one. Everywhere I read, He sent out pairs or more. So what do we do? Its just me and him and we are only 1.
Remember what I said about it being easy to pray for clean people? Well, in this wilderness time, this time of backsliding from- the Big tamale view of christianity and being alone, I mean really alone, we found we had but no choice but to turn to Jesus for every single thing. No more prayer groups, no more friends, no more bible studies, no more meetings, no more hanging out, no more praying for others, or one another in a structured setting. Its just that- no more structure. No more come to this location for healing, come here and be prayed for, come to church to be saved, come to this service a prophet will be here, come come come! Its go, go go.
I will take this from my previous post on a Holy Rant " Holy is not when your in the Temple, its what you do when your a fithy mess in the ditch. Its so easy praying for others when you are in an atmosphere of expectance & acceptancy, thats what we do. They are all there for that purpose. Its easy to live a clean life when your friends are clean, watch clean TV, speak, clean and live clean lives with their husband/family etc. .. Surrounded by like-believers. What is that anyway? Was that real..How easy is it to stay clean when your surrounded by no boundaries or examples of clean? "
To some, we went backwards, to us, we went to Jesus. We have but no choice to put to use what we had practiced in the nice church places. We have no choice but to pray for those whom are broken, abandoned and unclean. We are surrounded. We drudge thru each day trying our best to stay focused on Him, to stay on His path and not fall to the all encompassing temptations to throw in the towel and adapt. You see, here, adapting is total darkness.
I'm ending this post with this-
He gave me a dream the other night. In the dream I cried out why why? He showed me before, the people would come together and pray openings, little and big directly above them- reaching to the sky- light would shine thru. Little pockets all around the city, sporadic big and small. Then He showed me now - I cry out and I tire- nothing. I am in a small glass, I am in the middle, alone, it is filled with exactly 1/4 of water and I see another 1/4 measure being poured ontop, it is oil. There are no openings.
The oil represents the darkness of a particular region. It is saturated. There are no pockets of light coming through- for there are no people gathering corporately together praying hard for the mission of break through.. The prince of darkness is the oil and there are not enough people that understand what to do, that are willing to do what needs to be done.
One or two people here or there, a general assembly on Sunday- is not going to break through the oil, only power and power comes in like minded hearts together for the same purpose on PURPOSE- Praising and Glorifying the MOST HIGH.
Calling for the Assembly of prayer warriors to come together and start praying against demonic oppression and principalities of cities and regions. Together, on Purpose. Can we find each other?
Lord God, I pray in the name of Jesus, the You will bring together those for the mission of break through, bring together those whom can come together as one, praying Your will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. Gather from all points of the cities, placing a deep sense of urgency to step out of their comfort zones and gather corporately. I pray for them to know eachother in a way that is only by You. I declare the demonic attacks against those called to become null and void and broken off in the name of Jesus!
