About that turning Mourning into Dancing....

A pondered reflection on Ecclesiastes 3. I am certainly ready for the time to heal and the time to build, the time to laugh and dance. A time for having all school age children.

I feel so stuck in the mourning season right now.
I mourn Eston living away from me.
I mourn the loss of another good friend.
I mourn the loss of all friends that I have no more- due to moving AGAIN!
I mourn the loss of a church family that I have never been without in my life- that I know of.
I mourn the loss of independent life & Freedom as I knew it for over more than half of my life.
I mourn the first year in nearly 14yrs. of not having any pre-schoolers at home. I had no idea how that would effect me.
I mourn the moms groups I once was a deep part of- MOPS especially. I totally recommend going to http://www.mops.org/and check it out- find one and be apart of a good thing. This years "Together on Planet Mom" Matt. 18:20 Where 2 or more are gathered- You are with us.
I mourn the abrupt inexistence of being a SAHM as having a husband working.
I mourn the rumors.
I mourn that our vehicle had to break down and cost several hundred dollars to tow and repair. Is this really all happening?
I mourn happiness and Independence.
I mourn the debilitating things that always seem to come against me once I get my head just above the waters in sacrificing a career to stay at home.

I know what the Word says. Somehow, I thought I would be able to "prepare" ahead of time for each of these things listed in Eccl.3.

I hold fast to knowing for a fact that HE never fails- Granted I thought by now, things would have turned around, and they are the most stressed yet with incredible burdens. Clearly only a miracle can happen.

I refuse the report of the enemy. I still find comfort in knowing its ok to be sad, its ok to mourn.

Morning will come and night will be gone. I can't hardly wait.

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Vital Signs of a SAHM

My heart has depth. I have children.

My AOR would definitely fall into this category; Moms.

Outside of momminess. My heart connects and feels the most fullest with Single moms and Stay At Home Moms. Some might say what a vast difference, no, just a societal swing to one side or the other. Sure, I have so much depth to what I do as a mom, but part of who I am is what I do as a person in this world..

Does this really matter? Well it matters because we have a voice. We can change the atmosphere of families. We have done it for years. Since the beginning of time actually- remember the Garden? Am I leaving someone out?

Me, leave out the Career-Moms- the super moms of society- noway! They're Super's already ( an Incredibles term=). Having been there, like alot of us and done that, I know what area I can tread in. It is not an area I get to have strolls down memory lane in- remember- it was my greatest feat.. The sacrifice that ended all. It was my badge, what got me in to many groups and organizations. Its where and when I lost all contact with the world and lost all friends. Its where I gave up my lunch hours & shopping on my breaks, its where I sacrificed paid vacations and designer suits for comfy mom sweats.. Its where I was included in normal activities such as birthdays parties at restaurants and meeting somewhere for a drink- to "unwind". Its where I went when I needed to feel in control again. Its the parking lot I drove thru and sat in with a crying colicky baby at 3am. Staring, watching the "employee" entrance I once embarked on. the above 80's shot of me 3rd up on right- on end

No, I loved absolutely loved those years of a career- of control over my very own life. The privilege of being significant to others- you know the kind- the ones that have words and can speak and wipe their own bums. I have very cherished memories- though, very careful on how much time I spend going there.

As I have seen and continue to see the fruit of my labors- I still get the daily reminder of the alternative. "Obama wants Mamma's to go back work, get your new career here!" Everyday, I turn on the computer- there is the ad to my right- my new career awaits me!

Well, I am still alive and kicking, I know that if Obama wants me to do it- there is something to be very leery of... I really think we need to step up our AOR and include other moms in our daily trek- we need to bind together and stand for the welfare and well being of our families. Whether it be Single moms, Working moms, SAHM or Super's- whatever it is; believing with-in our core being that our children are a gift from God and its what the enemy prizes most from us. Yes, sacrifice is included.

I have had a summer full of negative. A belly full of how worthless I am and how I basically am a hindrance to society. How pathetic I am to have thrown it all away! Guess who's talking? Yep, Satan.

Beware, the atmosphere is once again changing- look where the attack is coming from. Next time you want to feel bitter towards another mom of whatever kind- just remember- we are all in it together and for the same reason.... for a child entered into our life.









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The last approach of a long week......... The first week

OF SCHOOL! The big yellow bus has made a safe landing! As we all have experienced the apprehension of the notorious first day of school,some even- the first day in a new school, the first day in a new town and new school, the first day at school ever period- alot of things can happen. However, we celebrated another "New Start" in another New Town, in another New school, with another child a New first day ever! Considering all things- it went well.

It, like everything else this summer started abruptly. I didn't get to tell the teacher one was left handed=), I didn't get to tell the other teacher one has SPD, I didn't get to tell the teacher I have one, if singled out-embarrassed- throws up when nervous or upset. I didn't get to even tell or meet the teacher for my oldest- Oh wait a minute, I should be used to not having that 4th child by now- right?! Crazy thoughts all run thru the first week- don't they.

The long bus rides through the country sides, no windows that work to pull down, no AC, one child who gets motion sickness and one child who has never sat down for 30 min. straight in his life- well as they ride that hour to hour and a half bus ride each way every morning and every night- I am thankful it rounded the corner late Friday afternoon and made it home, the first week of school -accomplished.



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Things that make me feel Good!

Love my quirky plants and flowers!
Love Kori's hair!Other Moms! Love Friends!Putting in flower beds- even with high winds like this one this spring!
The days of awesome neighborhoods and kids with friends over all the time!

My plants saying "glad your home".Cleaning and re-painting after every child!

Love the days back when.......................boys wrestling with daddy

Experiencing SEASONS Having a house full of Super-Hero's
The Feeling of being "clueless" there would ever be a day that the kids would ever be separated
Loved the sweet days when Matthew would fall asleep in Kori's room after destroying it!
Love the Crazy birthday parties!
Love Boys!
Love the time I have spent with one at a time- which is few and far between
Besides the Obvious things such as God,husband,children & life... These things are automated in my life. Sometimes when I get to know people their resume comes out before the realness. This I am working on myself- .

Not long ago I could have added "comfort food" to this list. But now I have no desire for even that! That goodness for HCG. I am on my break for 2 weeks after having lost 63lbs. I don't even want to break now- I am ready to get back on!

After this tremendous RUDE awaken of life, I have put some thought into the things that have made me feel good! So that is what I am doing today- giving thanks for the area's in life I took for granted! I promise Lord if you will restore me and my family I won't forget again! How many of us has said that! I am glad HE is my Daddy and that He knows me by Heart!

I am thankful for the abundance of children- I can't ask for better kids! They are truly a blessing from the Lord!

After not having a place to live- I realized how I took for granted always assuming I would have that! Not being able to wake up in your own room is beyond words. I have lived on my own and actually done well for more of my life than I ever lived at home- Even though I am thankful for somewhere to go- I mourn my own home, I mourn my way of doing things, I mourn freedom and liberty. I mourn everything that I have had for over 20years- gone in a moment it seems.

Health. The battle above most at most times. The sneak attack of gettig Lymes thru me for a loop- there were points I never thought I would recover. I had a tremendously great year leading up to now. I got cocky and felt free, a freedom I have not felt in nearly 7 years. I walked around like I had conquered. Now look at me. Regardless, I am thankful- I walk every night giving thanks that I have the ability to move my joints. Healing in our children- there is nothing that says Love like Healing!

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Still Grounded. Priviledges still taken away.....

Here are some exciting pictures of the kids meeting the teacher and seeing their classrooms!



There are No words to be 40 and to be where I am today. Though very thankful in this season of sorrow. The isolation of not being around other SAHM has been incredible. NTM, my youngest starting school.

However, the nextdoor side of things- School starts. Most parents are elated- as I would be, had my life not been drastically altered. My rant is in draft and I feel sure will surface soon...

Back to whats important. Meeting the Teachers. Apprehension calmed with the security of Homeschooling at my finger-tips, if need be. With my mom a Librarian at the very same school- one can imagine how I had to attempt this. Amazing how I no longer fear schooling our children at home. Last year was an awesome in helping me with that. Though, I can't pass up the opportunity to have them in this school. I hope and pray it is in their best interest and not a nightmare like it has the potential of being in a school of 100 plus k-12 and a town of only a couple hundred. Pushing it at that. Same great teachers- very small classes, this I am very happy about.

I was so glad to get some encouragement poured into me last night with watching Brian Houston on Hillsong.TV. 20 yrs. with only basic channels, HAY this is kinda nice- this satillite tv stuff! It was the first of anything spirit filled since we left Abilene.


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Happy Birthday Matthew! The Progression.

Goodmorning Birthday Boy! and this is how fast Spider-man can go-

Birthday Breakfast

Our Sweet Sweet 5 year old Matthew! Lunch at a Play place.

He is very photogenic- loves the picture taking!

You can play anywhere you want Matthew- but you pick the 3 and under section! where you are not allowed! This was unfortunately hilarious- Kori got upset because I had taken 2 pictures of the boys swinging on the rope and not her- so as I took that second picture just before the picture was complete-she lost her grip and hit the mat- this is the picture! She was really swinging when I took the shot!
Matthew loves the cake!
Mommy Loves the icing!
Parking lot-didn't even make it home- he was wore out!

Matthew is quite the character and he is now officially 5! For a LONG-time leading up to his birthday he has been very concerned whether he would have decorations or even a cake, presents -the usual.

The day started at 6:30am with his excitement of seeing the table decorated (Thank you Carla- for bringing decorations!) They rumaged thru goody bags and he opened his presents and ate a birthday breakfast- usually we have donuts- but I forgot to get them=( so I made a blueberry muffin and let them decorate it w/ whip cream and sprinkles! Very exciting. Then later on we went to Kid-Station and played and had his spidey party. Might I add this is his 3rd. spider man party- he insists on Spider man- the other 2 parties have been Cars-race-cars. So he is a traditionalist-LOL! We were only able to pull off the race-cars living up close and personal(within reason=) to Lowes Motor Speedway- Nascar! Those days are gone.

Very good day and cute pictures! I am still in shock my youngest in now 5 and will soon in a week be in Kindergarten! I didn't prepare enough for this..........................




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Birthday Pictures

My Dear friend came to visit on my birthday- it was a great day. I love turning 40, I am just not real happy that I have lost nearly 60 lbs this summer and yet I can't tell! I wanted to see drastic results- but what I saw was reality. The reality that I had gotten so big that I truly didn't comphrend exactly how big that really was! I am sad that I gained so much so quick and actually all that I have lost is what I had gained in the last year=((( So at 40, I feel I am back at the drawing board!

Here are some pictures that I could muster up to share=))))
I will have more to post- MAtthew's 5 birthday is tomorrow- its hard to believe!


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